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Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated, by Anthony E. Wolf

Get Free Ebook Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated, by Anthony E. Wolf

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From Publishers Weekly

This updated edition (a chapter on gay and lesbian teenagers and the ramifications of the electronic world have been added) will be as useful to parents as the 1992 version. Wolf, a clinical psychologist who works with adolescents (Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster?), clearly has a feel for both the angst of young people who must deal with an evermore complex world and the difficulties parents face when a cooperative loving child morphs into a teenager who lies, talks back and avoids parental company. Humorous and insightful, Wolf describes what is, rather than what mothers and fathers of rebellious and thoughtless adolescents wish would be. He is forthright in stating that "you do not win the battle for control with teenagers... usually the best you get is imperfect control." Despite the best efforts of parents, today's adolescents frequently drink, experiment with drugs and are sexually active. According to the author, however, it is still important to have rules even though a teenager may break them. If parents clearly state their expectations of behavior and restate them when a teen disobeys, their son or daughter will, to some extent, internalize the rules and abide by them sometimes. In addition to providing excellent advice on particular situations, including divorce, school problems and stepparenting, he makes the often obnoxious manner in which teens communicate with their parents understandable as a rite of passage that they will eventually outgrow.Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

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Review

“Funny, sound, and compassionate, Get Out of My Life will truly help you talk with your kids and not get mad . . .” ―Beth Winship, The Boston Globe“Get Out of My Life has Spock's common sense, the insight of Freud, and the wit of Bombeck. I welcome this book.” ―Dorothy Zeiser, Ph.D., Chairman, Department of Child Study

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Product details

Paperback: 240 pages

Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux; Revised edition (August 1, 2002)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0374528535

ISBN-13: 978-0374528539

Product Dimensions:

5.5 x 0.6 x 8.3 inches

Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review:

4.6 out of 5 stars

372 customer reviews

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#9,826 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

This book, "Get Out of My Life," by Anthony Wolf, Ph.D., was written for my teen generation originally, but wow --- is this applicable today. There are some extremely important tips here that I did not know (and I've tried to read a lot of parenting books) that will help you survive your child's teen years.For me, the most important tips are...1. Your child's teen behaviors are truly a phase. They really do have to break away from you -- both physically and in their own internal psychology -- and that means rejecting everything about you, including your physical presence and everything you do or say. In order to become themselves, they have to become "Not You."2. You do have a right and maybe even an obligation to be a confident, decision-making, parent. It makes sense that everyone should know what the boundaries are and that you should state them; it's only fair. That means that although your teen's tumultuous behavior has probably thrown you for a bit of a loop, you still are "The Decider." You need to be careful to choose your (a limited number of) battles, as you cannot physically control your child's every move, obviously: Nor would you want to. Also, realize that for any limit or rule that exists or is stated at all, your teen will feel immediately personally persecuted and evilly-controlled, as if you were suggesting that he be chained in the basement, rather than put his dirty dishes in the sink. So, choose a very limited set of "limits" or boundaries. The best way to get through this time is to decide what you think is best, state it once, listen to the child argue, and restate that the decision is made, and walk away.3. Your child is arguing partly because he is not ready to wrestle with his own internal conscience and maturation steps. As long as he can blame you, he doesn't have to take responsibility for acting/becoming grown-up himself. This part comes with very helpful warnings that your teen will try to "trap" you into protracted conflict with him ("You don't really care about me," etc): Don't take the bait. Do follow up later if a specific issue is concerning.4. When the teen makes a mistake and oversteps your or other given boundaries, confront him. Tell the teen that he has overstepped the boundary X and that it is not OK. Say, "We still do have boundary X." Walk away. You can impose a short restriction of some kind, but this would be fairly rare.5. Do not continue to engage in protracted conflicts and arguing. It can lead to the teen running away and further souring. Therefore, validate your teen's feelings, briefly state yours, and try to stop the arguing by saying, "I see," "I understand how you feel that way," and "We can talk more later, I have to go," and then actually leave in order to stop the yell-fest.6. The author feels that providing for the child is not contingent upon good behavior. I agree that the quid-pro-quo approach does not work. If the teen tells you to "F-off," and then asks you to drive him to the mall, you can tell him what you really think about that; however, with some time that's past, forgive and forget and just do things for them they don't actually deserve, per se, but you feel every child should have anyway. Remember, you are modeling patience and mature charity (of a saint).7. Your child's grades could slip badly, which will seriously limit his future. Dr. Wolf says you could do a few things here: You could ignore it and let the school handle it, you could try to save your kid and do things for him, or you could stand over him, managing him, for an hour a day until his homework is done. I agree that saving your kid will not benefit him. Dr. Wolf suggests standing over him for homework every day. I don't think I can implement this anymore, however. I think my kids are just going to have to do a lot of repair work after their teen years are through to try to catch up to their dreams and goals, unfortunately.8. Tell your teen that unprotected sex, drugs, and drinking is bad for them and illegal and tell him that if he is ever in a situation, however, he can call and you will pick him up, no questions asked. You just want him to be safe.9. One of the best parts about this book is that the dialogue could be lifted straight out of our home. This is shocking. I think the worst I'd ever said to my mother as a teen was "back off!" LOL. It is hard to believe that a teen saying these things could in any way be "normal." Dr. Wolf shows that it is. Audible sigh of relief!10. Last, I don't think this is really stated in this book, but I think it is implicit: Show and say things that make your teen feel that you are interested in his life and care about him. That means showing up to his events (but, you do not need to be seen by his friends!), providing helpful material items, asking him "how it's going," and stating appreciation for every good thing he does.What do you think of modern parenting (and this book)?

I chose this rating because this book clearly and concisely explained the dilemma faced by today's parents in raising teenagers in the electronic age. Many problems that I faced rearing my children remain, but many more challenges await today's parents trying to get through the adolescence of their children. This book gives one encouragement, that ,yes, you WILL get through this stage of your child's development. With clear language and humor, the author let's the reader know that he has walked a mile in your shoes. So glad I stumbled across this book. My 16 year old grandson will definitely benefit from my new enlightenment. Thank you!

This is the best book on the market and I read quite a few of them. You will understand what is going on in your teenagers mind. But that is not what makes this book special. What does is that it is written in a way that you can logically and empathetically make the connection to your own child. All of a sudden their miserable and odd behavior makes sense.Without that book I would have consumed twice as much wine, pulled more hair outs, and yelled much, much more.A must have. Don't think - order and read. Seriously.

I see many exasperated parents in my psychotherapy practice; many of them think their kids are beyond help. I have them read this book to help them to understand that it is not just their kids...it is EVERYBODY'S kids! No, I don't mean all kids need psychiatric help; far from it. We parents sometimes need to be reminded why kids do what they do, and why we, as parents, respond the way we do. This book lays all of that out using great stories that are compelling and humorous. And it reminds us that sometimes we just need to sit back, take a deep breath, and understand that "this, too shall pass." If you are looking to figure out why your teenager does what he/she does, read this.

Struggling with understanding your teenager...their moods, the hurtful words and constant eyerolling..this book helps you to regain control of what you truly thought you had no control of. It will help you find your sanity again. This book will definitely help you know you are not alone and how to change the way you handle their emotionally difficult ways of thinking..so no one breaks down

Every parent of about to be teen-age daughters should read this. So helpful in understanding that most difficult time oflife for pre-teen and teenage girls. Not only does it help both men and women to understand, it gives real life suggestionsabout how to deal and cope with the typical situations and challenges girls face. If you are considering buying this I imploreyou to. YOU MUST READ THIS!!Just for any conspiracy types, I have no relationship with the author,printer,typesetter, seller or anyone else who might havea financial interest in boosting sales. What I wrote above is from the heart!! Really!!

Every parent of a teen or soon to be teen should read this book. I’m so glad it was recommended to me when my oldest was a teenager. This book kept me laughing which made it enjoyable to read but it also gave me some much needed perspective. This book had a profound impact on me and as a result, I lend or buy it for friends who are struggling with their own teens.

I was having a hard time with my teenage daughter and began to take it personally. After reading this book I realized we were no different than anyone else raising a teen. It teaches you how to pick your battles, when to focus on something or let it go. Raising teens is tough, but this book makes it a little less daunting.

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Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated, by Anthony E. Wolf PDF